if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
