somebody snuck up and got me drunk
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
