i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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