he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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