3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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