the condom got lost in my hair
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
