Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
