I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
