Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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