The maid of honor just puked.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
