It's like a parade of train wrecks.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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