He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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