Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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