Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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