we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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