the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Drunk is not a location!
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