I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
