and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize