i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
