just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
