Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize