Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
