She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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