community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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