I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize