so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize