Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
im about as happy as oj after his trial
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
