I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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