You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
