I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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