Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
