I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize