You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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