Plan B is the new Plan A
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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