im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
