She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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