I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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