Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
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She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
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Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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