I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
