What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
