I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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