I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
