I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
