Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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