I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
