Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
