i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
