Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
