Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
