when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
