she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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