Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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