i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
