I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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