He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
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Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
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He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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