Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
