Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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