from now on my penis is your penis
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond