sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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