Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
