i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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