wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
In America we eat man semen.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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