Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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