Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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