The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
